I feel I should call PETA and confess

Lately I have been feeling so guilty. In October I was very ill and at the same time my 10 year old Boston Terrier, Maggie, was struggling to breath. She had many problems and I had spent much time and money trying to keep her healthy.

That balmy October morning I woke to hear her gagging and trying to catch her breath...I broke. I called my daughter to come and help. She left work and came to the rescue. We took her and had her euthanized. I watched her being led away by the attendant and I cried...I'm crying now.

She turned and looked at me, seeming to say...why?

She came to me at about 6 years old and live here for 4 years. She had been abused and passed around but not loved. She was a problem...she had trouble breathing , she snored (really loud), she farted, she scratched the furniture and she dug holes in the yard. She was mean to other dogs and often attacked for no reason. She tolerated my other Boston but just tolerated. They never got along. She would not let him eat unless I stood guard to keep her away. She was a problem and I loved her.

She enjoyed a ride in the car and unlike Baxter my male Boston she was a good rider. She just snuggled into a blanket and started snoring. I loved her but I only tolerated that snoring. She was terrified of storms and in Oklahoma...well storms are a way of life. She wanted to sleep in my bed but she would stand at the end of the bed until she fell over and sometimes off the bed, sending me scurrying to see if she was hurt. She was a problem and I loved her.

She had dry skin and started losing her fur, had bald spots and required medication. One of her eyeballs burst and she needed special drops twice a day. She was losing her sight and could not walk more than half a block without breathing spasms. She was a problem and I loved her.

But I gave up in a weak moment. I didn't stop loving her I just gave up. I can't stop feeling guilty because maybe she could have lived a little longer. Maybe I could have gotten another prescription from the vet. Maybe I could have just lover her more.

She was a problem and I loved her...and she is gone.

Let me die with dignity

I recently made the 4+ hour drive to East Texas to see my two surviving siblings. One healthy, one 27 years in a nursing facility.

Our family was a big one. My parents married young, at least my mom was young...16, my dad a 27 year old divorced, WWII veteran with a child he would never see again. That was March 1945 and in July 1947 I showed up. Then came twins in 1949, a girl in 1950, a boy in 1952 and twins again in 1954. Seven in all, my parents , had their hands full.  

The first to go in our family was my mom in 1981... an aneurysm, followed in 1989 by my father...Then in 1990 one of the older twins, cancer. In 2005 my oldest brother and one of the younger twins...cancer. In 2009 the other younger twin...cancer. So now only 3 of the original 9 left but something happened in 1987; the other older twin had an aneurysm but she didn't die. She went to a nursing home where she remains today.

She has the use of one arm and hand and she can move her head. She used to talk some but not so much anymore. Now she spends her time lying on a bed with the television on and eating crackers, drinking juice and breathing. She isn't on life support but my one healthy sister is. Not the kind used in hospitals with oxygen and feeding tubes but the kind that is so tenuous that the slightest tug could break the connection. 

You won't hear her complain but in a quiet moment, from the corner of my eye, I saw the despair she feels. She has cared for our invalid sister for 27 years. By some miracle of fate she married a man who really loves her and has stood by her all these years. I am her...sister and I have not been there for her, for either of them but he was and is. 

Their children are out of the nest, they have comfortable retirement and they would like to move to West Texas to be near his brothers. They can't go or at least they won't go until "something happens" to our sister.

Our sister's organs are failing, she has frequent infections and illness, she never leaves her bed, she is not dead but she is not living. I can't say what I want to say but if I could this is what I would say:

Why is it wrong to help "something happen" when lives are on hold to keep someone breathing with no hope of living? Why do we not have  system where useless life is disposable? What possible purpose does this person serve except to provide payment to a nursing facility? Can we not see the inhumanity to humans that we do not extend to our beloved pets? A sick and unhealthy dog  or an old and feeble cat can can go to rest and suffer no more. A horse with a broken and irreparable leg is quickly put out of misery. How can we not do the same for those we claim to love so much?

I do know the answer...religion...gods...holy books.

Imagine a world....with no religion to get in the way of humanity.

Thank a Doctor not a god

From:    Seth Andrews

To those asserting that God uses doctors as parFromt of his design for your healing, I'd like to draw a few things to your attention.

If God sees through time and exists beyond time, he saw your sickness or malady before it ever occurred or took root. Yet he said and did nothing to prevent it, which would have been the more efficient and effective course of action.

If God sees your body afflicted with disease or injury and withholds his hand of divine healing until the proper petitions are offered up, he is essentially blackmailing you with pain, more interested in receiving accolades than demonstrating mercy and miracles.

If God's "plan" for your recovery involves no direct healing miracle, but instead requires hugely expensive ambulance rides, surgical procedures, hospital stays and medications (often plunging whole families into financial crisis), he is purposefully allowing your physical burden to feed a financial one. (Tell me again why a cherished child of the Almighty would ever need to worry about a deductible.)

If God is using human hands as specific, chosen tools for your healing, why do so many of those hands belong to other (or no) faiths? And why does the physician/caregiver scenario work exactly the same for those outside your faith?

Finally, if you are prepared to give God the credit for improvements in your condition, are you also prepared to give God the blame when the disease worsens, when the infection intensifies, when the cancer spreads, when the organs fail, and when the scenario doesn't have a happy ending?

Too many times, I've seen people gaze lovingly into an empty sky, ignoring flesh-and-blood caregivers standing only inches away in favor of an invisible Friend who never speaks, never calls, never appears, never intervenes. Good news is attributed to miracles. Bad news is attributed to a lack of faith, an attack of dark spiritual forces, or the perverse idea that a loving father would need to "afflict" a child to build his/her character.

Why would I seek to rain on the prayer parade when it gives so many comfort in their darkest of hours? Well, I think the question should be phrased differently:

Why are so many God-followers content to ignore the doctors, nurses, support staff, scientists and ambassadors of modern medicine, and often in full view of the real "healers," direct their gratitude to a deadbeat parent?

The fact is, if God exists, he allowed tragedy to befall you and is holding the solutions hostage until you bow down and kiss the ring. If he doesn't exist, you're wasting time and energy that should be directed toward those who have met your condition with education, experience, skill, compassion, dedication and sacrifice.

It's time to recognize and thank, with all of our hearts, the true healers.

What happened to respect?

For several days I have watched an ongoing Facebook argument about the merits of our government. I have seen out and out rudeness against the President. In one case it seemed like a threat against his life. How can people spout such vitriol? Have they no respect for the office if not the man who occupies it? What has happened to civility?

Easy answer. Washington shows no respect for itself. They lie to the public, cheat on their wives, take bribes and do absolutely nothing they are paid to do. No wonder the rest of us are so filled with animosity.

I grew up in the 50's and 60's and it was a different world. Thought my parents were card carrying Republicans they did not show the disrespect for JFK that today's Republicans are spewing.

I don't care what your political affiliation is; respect should be at the top of your platform.

Just my thoughts.

Equality in All for All

There has been so much lately about the rights of the LGBT community. I saw this clip, a part of a longer program after the Oklahoma Decision against the definition of marriage.




What raised my dander about this is that no one called Sally Kern on the idea that the bible should have no place in governnment. I wanted to jump in the middle of her face and remind her that not all Americans are Christian or even accept the bible as holy.

The claim is often that denying same gender marriage preserves the 'sanctity' of marriage but no one can say how it harms another's marriage. I not gay but I support their right to live life as they choose. I also support the right of the likes of Sally Kern to tote her bible anywhere she wishes but keep it out of my government.

I realize this is Oklahoma and the reddest state in the US but someone should remind this Oklahoma State legislator that out government is secular, even in a red state.

Taking Risks

Many of us have great difficulty making decisions, making commitments and generally taking the first step. Recently I worked a cryptoquote that said, “Two mistakes people commonly make are not taking the first step and not going far enough.

What keeps us from making those important decisions? Fear, plain and simple. Some of us think we aren’t smart enough to make the right decision, some fear the consequences of our decisions on others we care about. But no decision IS a decision. It is a decision to maintain the status quo. 

Ask.com states that we make about 612 decisions per day. WOW! Most of those decisions are automatic, coffee or tea, toast or muffin, black or brown shoes. The decisions that become problematic are the decisions we fear...although I have known a few to stress out over a biscuit!

Unlike mathematics where we can make a mistake and erase it and start again, in life, any decision however small can have irreversible consequences. Those are the decisions that leave us paralyzed.

So what to do? 

It is said there are two kinds of decision makers. I call them “Quick Draw” and “Mud Wader”.Quick Draw decides before the problem is properly stated and lives with the consequences believing that doing something is better than doing nothing. Better to mess up than miss out.

Mud Wader on the other hand, stresses out, thinks of everything that could go wrong, how others will be affected and stalls. Sometimes the stall last long enough that the decision is no longer relevant. Thus maintaining the status quo.

We are, each of us, that butterfly that flaps its wings and causes a hurricane on the other side of the world. But should we stop flapping? What would be the consequence of that decision? How much progress would be made if we all just let things happen?

x

GOP, Democrat, Liberal or Conservative

Liberalism v Conservatism

I recently saw the new movie about Lincoln and found it very revealing. I’m certain that the movie was not accurate in every detail but I do think they got a few things right.

I had always heard that the South was fully in the Democratic camp until some time in the 60's. I have also heard that today’s GOP is yesterday’s Democratic South. Here is an article that talks about the change.

“The Democratic dominance of the South originated in many white Southerners' animosity towards the Republican Party's stance in favor of political rights for blacks during Reconstruction and Republican economic policies such as the high tariff and the support for continuing the gold standard, both of which were seen as benefiting Northern industrial interests at the expense of the agrarian South in the 19th century. It was maintained by the Democratic Party's willingness to back Jim Crow laws and racial segregation”

Interesting that now the south, including my state of Oklahoma, is pretty dang Red and strongly religious.

Last night our local atheist group was interviewed on the ABC news affiliate station. The  anchor also gave equal time to a local minister. It was amazing on Facebook after the newscast. People were asking questions and getting the other side…a side most in Oklahoma have never heard. Interestingly and not surprising, several new members were added to our Meetup group. They did not know that such a group exists. We now have more than 1200 members and usually 20 or more events each month. We have brunch, lectures, downtown, uptown and midtown lunch meetups. We are an active bunch! We have a teen group and lots of activities for families.

Some months back I was walking in my neighborhood. It was late October and just before the election. I noticed that there were several political signs for Democratic candidates. I was surprised that anyone would have the nerve to put up an Obama sign in Oklahoma City or anywhere in the state. I met a woman that day, older, perhaps late 70’s, with whom I had an interesting conversation. She told me she remembered a time when Oklahoma was firmly in the Blue camp.

So how does it happen? Well, it happens because we change when we ask questions and really look for answers. Do I think that is why Oklahoma is a Republican state? NO! I doubt very many Okies care what the parties stand for, they just know that the religious should be republicans.  In the mind of most Republicans it is clear; Democrats are liberals and Republicans are conservative…based mostly on religious issues: Abortion, Gay Rights, Evolution and a belief in god. They also think that all atheist have to be Democrats.  Not true. There are among those I count as friends and fellow atheists who are Republican voters.

What seems to be a straight forward issue is quite complicated. Some time ago I asked

 So what am I? I am a registered voter and I support the Democratic party but I am also conservative on many issues, particularly those of economics. I do think we should pay our bills and balance our budget. However, I support equal rights for all and social justice for all.

I’m done now...just a morning ramble of thoughts.