My Absence

It has been a difficult few weeks but I want to let you know something that I discovered. I was in a great deal of pain and truly wished to die. I found little relief without very strong drugs and I was completely unable to care for myself. Fortunately, there was no need for concern since my children were there to take care of all the details.

I could have died and I was fully aware of that possibility. Since this is the first time I have been in such a position, I wondered just how I would react. Many have told me that when faced with death they question their beliefs, in either direction. I didn’t. I was and am proud to say I did not pray to any unseen god nor did I beg for divine intervention. I suffered the pain without any compromise.

As you may know, I have 2 very religious daughters, one quasi-religious daughter and a tolerant son. I am also proud that they did not try to convert me in my distress. I’m sure they prayed and asked for divine intervention but they did it in private, away from my bedside.

I thank them for that and I’m glad for me; glad that I did not reach for a crutch in my misery, glad that I faced real diversity and maintained my absolute doubt in a supernatural being.

Just thought you’d like to know.

The War Prayer

The War Prayer by Mark Twain is one that invokes deeper thought than at first glance. When I was a college student preparing to become a teacher I was required to make an analysis of the essay, albeit subjective .

I'm not now a praying person but at the time I was struggling with my desire to understand the falsehoods I had discovered in religion and the teachings of my parents. I wanted to believe there was a god watching over me and that he would hear and answer my prayers.

The absurdity of prayer became crystal clear when, as in Twain's work, I took the time to consider the prayer and its implications. The youngest student in science learns early, Newton's third law of motion. Simply stated, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Now consider the act of praying...if, and I don't believe it is possible, there were a god who listened and answered prayers, what kind of god could he be? How would he decide who's prayer is answered?

Perhaps, Christians will say that righteousness wins out, that he who is good and obedient will ultimately, gain their reward. But may I propose:

Country A and Country B are at war.

Two very devout and pious mothers, each righteous and obedient, pray for the success of her son in that war. One, the mother of a soldier fighting for Country A; the other praying for her son from Country B. By all reason they are each deserving but how can they both receive that for which they ask? And, why should they? They are praying two prayers; one articulated to save her son and the unsaid prayer to destroy the other mother's son.

My Horoscope

Recently I received an email from a friend who was all excited about her horoscope. She was sure based on a few lines in the newspaper that her life was about to change.
She was also sure that it would be a change for the better.

It got me thinking...

My friend is not a believer but yet her horoscope brought out many of the same reactions that believers display when they feel god has answered a prayer.

Interesting....

I decided to check out my own horoscope. I went to several sources and below is what I found..

You should be able to enjoy a fairly calm day today as the shifting planetary influences lighten up again, but don’t be too surprised and don’t read too much into news from afar, or into an unexpected phone-call. Rumor and gossip will provide what is essentially non-news. Ignore it!

Cancer (June 22-July 22): Your idea of the good life might seem frivolous to someone else, just as that person's is difficult for you to relate to. The theme today is, "It takes all kinds." You appreciate the difference between you.

This is a good day for expressing your ideas. Others may find you especially witty and eccentric just now. You may feel like talking a bit more than usual, exploring new ideas or getting happily lost in a conversation. There is an urge to communicate. Also, perhaps a short trip or a special phone call is in order later today. Neighbors or brothers and sisters will likely bring all kinds of good experiences your way. You can demonstrate great understanding and sensitivity to others. Your image is highlighted, increasing your self-confidence. You can do anything you set your mind to do this day. This may be a time you play with some new ideas for future goals. If you are looking for a romantic match, look in new places for new faces--smile.

Cancer (June 22-July 22). Today is a 6. You should be feeling better, with an old obligation resolved. Reward yourself with an outing to your favorite foreign restaurant. You've earned a special treat.

A friend or family member could be feeling rather grim and taciturn, and not open to communication. You may be wondering if you've done something wrong, or if this person is angry with you. If you use your innate warmth and generosity of spirit to induce him or her to open up, dear Cancer, you'll probably find that your loved one has issues that have nothing to do with you - and you might even be able to help! Tonight: Prepare everyone's favorite meal!

CANCER: Test the waters. There could be a passing hunger to experiment with new ideas or concepts. Broaden your outlook by discussing New Age ideas or exotic lifestyles. A quick fling could prove disruptive.

So… I should have a calm day while someone is starting rumors about me…appreciate the differences when someone thinks I’m frivolous. I should express my ideas while talking too much but maintaining self-confidence because I can do anything! I need to look somewhere else for romance and smile while I do it. I am supposed to be feeling better because some bill I owed is no more…ahh and reward myself with a special treat…good..I'll use my recently paid off credit card. However, someone in my family is not feeling so good. He is probably angry because he somehow got my credit card bill!

And now after all that, I am suppose to make a fancy dinner, go swimming and have a fling while discussing New Age ideas!

Well at least I’m not waiting for my prayers to be answered.