Lately I have been feeling so guilty. In October I was very ill and at the same time my 10 year old Boston Terrier, Maggie, was struggling to breath. She had many problems and I had spent much time and money trying to keep her healthy.
That balmy October morning I woke to hear her gagging and trying to catch her breath...I broke. I called my daughter to come and help. She left work and came to the rescue. We took her and had her euthanized. I watched her being led away by the attendant and I cried...I'm crying now.
She turned and looked at me, seeming to say...why?
She came to me at about 6 years old and live here for 4 years. She had been abused and passed around but not loved. She was a problem...she had trouble breathing , she snored (really loud), she farted, she scratched the furniture and she dug holes in the yard. She was mean to other dogs and often attacked for no reason. She tolerated my other Boston but just tolerated. They never got along. She would not let him eat unless I stood guard to keep her away. She was a problem and I loved her.
She enjoyed a ride in the car and unlike Baxter my male Boston she was a good rider. She just snuggled into a blanket and started snoring. I loved her but I only tolerated that snoring. She was terrified of storms and in Oklahoma...well storms are a way of life. She wanted to sleep in my bed but she would stand at the end of the bed until she fell over and sometimes off the bed, sending me scurrying to see if she was hurt. She was a problem and I loved her.
She had dry skin and started losing her fur, had bald spots and required medication. One of her eyeballs burst and she needed special drops twice a day. She was losing her sight and could not walk more than half a block without breathing spasms. She was a problem and I loved her.
But I gave up in a weak moment. I didn't stop loving her I just gave up. I can't stop feeling guilty because maybe she could have lived a little longer. Maybe I could have gotten another prescription from the vet. Maybe I could have just lover her more.
She was a problem and I loved her...and she is gone.