My Absence

It has been a difficult few weeks but I want to let you know something that I discovered. I was in a great deal of pain and truly wished to die. I found little relief without very strong drugs and I was completely unable to care for myself. Fortunately, there was no need for concern since my children were there to take care of all the details.

I could have died and I was fully aware of that possibility. Since this is the first time I have been in such a position, I wondered just how I would react. Many have told me that when faced with death they question their beliefs, in either direction. I didn’t. I was and am proud to say I did not pray to any unseen god nor did I beg for divine intervention. I suffered the pain without any compromise.

As you may know, I have 2 very religious daughters, one quasi-religious daughter and a tolerant son. I am also proud that they did not try to convert me in my distress. I’m sure they prayed and asked for divine intervention but they did it in private, away from my bedside.

I thank them for that and I’m glad for me; glad that I did not reach for a crutch in my misery, glad that I faced real diversity and maintained my absolute doubt in a supernatural being.

Just thought you’d like to know.